A Night in Zil Mansion
by AngelHeero
Summary: Justin and co. are (for some ungodly reason) treking across the Zil desert when it starts to rain. They take shelter in an old mansion ( which, of couse, Justin just HAS to explore) and they find anything but a night's rest.


"This sucks

Disclaimer:

Not mine, no money, don't sue. 

Any movie references I make in here, I don't own those either. And believe me there are a lot of them. That's why it's called a spoof. Just a little something for laughs.

Warning:

This is a satirical work. The characters will be a little OCC. I've taken a small flaw in a character and blown it completely out of the water. Unfortunately, this is most noticeable in Liete (who can occasionally be a little oblivious) and Feena (Who some times flies off the handle at little things) 

It's all in good fun. So just grab some popcorn and enjoy. 

Grandia: 'A Night in Zil Mansion' OR 'It was a Dark and Stormy Icarian'

Justin: 

"This sucks. Really."

Thunder clashed above us, the complete darkness irregularly illuminated by flashes of frighteningly close lighting.

"I mean...We're in the Zil ^%$#$^@ Desert. And it's storming." Feena continued on, her jaw clenched, her hair plastered to her forehead by the large amounts of falling rain as we tramped on. 

"How in the world is it raining in the desert…?" Sue paused to ponder. I grit my teeth and stalked on. Soaking wet, of course. 

"Yes, I think I read somewhere that some deserts have irregularly patterned rainfall occurrences..."Liete said, then blinked and turned to look questioningly to me. "But what's a desert…?" 

"We're standing in the middle of one." Rapp stated sarcastically. 

"Sort of..." I added.

So...We were, all five of us, stranded in Zil Desert. In a thunderstorm. In the dark. And the rain. We couldn't forget the rain, now, could we...? 

Suddenly, I tripped. And something...Very, very, very hard slammed against my face. I heard the crack of wood through the burning sensation of pain and incredible humiliation, (mostly pain) and toppled over. 

"Juuustiiin…" Sue whined. "What did you trip on *this* time…?" 

Liete leaned closer. "I do believe that he tripped over a wooden sign." She nodded. "Yes, definently...By the way, I read once that wooden si-"

Rapp clamped a hand over her mouth. "Jeez, cantcha be *quiet* already?!?" 

I stood up shakily, wondering for a moment why Feena was so quiet all of a sudden, thinking that it probably wasn't a good thing, before realizing that Liete was right. 

"Hey, it *is* a sign!!!" I exclaimed. 

"Castle of Dreams: Five feet in front of you." I squinted and read some red faded letters that looked very forbidding. "Vacancy." 

"Look, Justin," Sue pointed at the sign, "It says vacancy, we can stay here."

Liete opened her mouth and I saw Feena suddenly move to force her hand over the priestess' lips before she could begin to ramble on about the mysteries of the word vacancy and how we had to travel east to Alent to learn it's origins... Feena smiled, "Well, Justin, we're soaked, why not dry off here?"

I forced a grin, knowing it was an order more than a suggestion. Sometimes having a girlfriend wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

So, we stared up at what would be our temporary shelter.

After fifteen straight minutes of climbing up the slippery dark granite stairs, we reached the two huge, incredibly ornate, spooky double doors that towered over all our heads. Two gargoyle statues stood on either side, and the head of another glared at us from above the doors. 

"So I guess we knock…?" Sue started. 

We all winced; it was just the moment for Liete to start rambling, and none of us was close enough to stop her....

"Yes, I would think that knocking would be an advisable idea..." she said, then silenced, to the rest of our relief. So there truly was a Goddess!!!!

I walked up nervously to the door. I could have sworn that those gargoyles were staring right *at* me. And I knocked three times in quick succession on the thick doors. 

Lightning crashed and the rain fell harder. We waited. And waited. And nothing else happened. 

"Hmph. Jerks..." Rapp muttered. 

Feena sighed exasperatedly and crossed her arms and arched a brow in my direction. Uh-oh. "So, Justin-" And before she could continue, there was a loud (incredibly loud, at that. And high pitched...) squeal and the two doors were thrown open, leading into a *huge* (everything's so huge...It makes me feel even smaller.) antechamber. Squared marble tiles moved in a circular pattern about the dusty, and obviously rarely swept room. Various pillars supported the ceiling, from which hung multiple precarious chandeliers and also, hundreds of cobwebs. From here it was also very apparent that there was more than one floor to this castle. 

There was a cold breeze throughout the room and the doors slammed shut again, laving our dripping clothes the only thing to be heard besides the now faint rolling of thunder. For a while there was an odd silence.

"This place is weird." Rapp stated.

"And scary..." Sue whispered. 

"I read somewhere that fear is an emotion caused by-" She silenced at a round of death glares. 

"It's the best there is at the moment, and besides," Feena intoned, "I want to dry off." 

Everyone nodded in fervent agreement. Pissing off an Icarian was a bad idea.

We had learned this from personal experience. After three years, Sue had decided to do some adventuring with us, and so we'd picked up Rapp and Liete for the fun. Well, now it was more business than pleasure, but currently we needed a nice warm place to dry.

Our last adventure involved a disgruntled Nana and pack of G-16, so we were simply minding our own business and headed for a good stay in Zil Padon. Of course, then a typhoon decided to hit the desert on our way there...

"Alright then, where's the bathrooms? I've GOT to get out of these clothes," Feena stated, her relatively skimpy outfit drenched to the point of fading.

Rapp piped up, "Well, I COULD cast a good Burn spell for ya..." he winked suggestively.

Feena glared daggers at him. 

"I don't see any bathrooms around here, guys," Sue informed, "Of course, this place is huge (not to mention rundown). I think we're gonna have to look around first."

Ah HA! I leaped on that opportunity, "Good idea, Sue, this could be an adventure!"

"Does everything ALWAYS have to be adventure with you, Justin?" Feena asked me condescendingly.

I felt crestfallen, but shook it off, "Well, why not? C'mon, Liete, you take the east upstairs; Rapp, you take the west. Feena, you check the east side on the ground floor, while I take Sue and Puffy with me on the upper west wing of this place, ne?" 

"Puu Pu!" Puffy squeaked from Sue's head.

"See? Puffy agrees with me," I added defensively.

Rapp rolled his eyes, "Whatever, Juss."

So Sue and I clambered up the long red carpeted staircase, ever upwards. About thirty minutes later, we reached the second floor, only to notice that the stairs still went on. 

I gave a side-glance to Sue. "There's only *two* stories, got it?" She blinked.

"But there's stairs right there," She started. 

"No, there's not."

"Oh. Ok." 

"Puuu.Pupu." 

"You too, Puffy."

We walked on into a large, looming hall with an arcing ceiling. Various beams littered the ground, and still more cobwebs filled the place. The hall was filled with doors on one side, tall windows on the other, each with gold-trimmed crimson drapes half pulled over, the dark and gloomy sky pictured between. 

"Wow. So which door first, Sue?" I inquired.

"Umm...I say we start with the first!" 

"Pu..."

Sue grinned overly cheerfully. "Right!" 

I nodded and we strode to the door and swung it open with a creak. On the other side was a wall filled with leather bound books and a fireplace in which was a blazing flame, and a high-backed chair on a rug in front of it. There seemed to be a figure sitting in it, so we approached. 

"Excuse me, sir, but we were wondering if we could stay here until the storm ended..." I started nervously. 

There was silence. I crept closer. "We're really sorry if we've intruded and all that..."

Still the silence. Now we were close enough to see the figure. It seemed nothing more than a black cloak with the hood pulled up. Except that you could see twin coal-like eyes gazing blankly into nothing. And then, those eyes turned to look at me. I mean, look fully *at* me. I inhaled sharply.

There was an arcane laugh, and it vanished. I gulped and turned on my heel, grabbing Sue's elbow and dragging her back out. "I don't think this was a good door, let's try the next one." 

"Um...ok, Justin..." 

We tried the next. Obviously a library of some sort, books lined the walls almost to the ceiling. A heavy murky smell clouded the place, and a thick layer of dust was everywhere. But besides that, there was nothing of actual interest. 

"Man, just some boring old books," I muttered under by breath before sneezing a quick three times in succession.

And so we tried the next door. 

And blinked in surprise when we found a small party going on.

"WOW! Look, Justin, a festival!" "Puu!" Sue and Puffy exclaimed.

A small group of people and animals were parading about the medium-sized room, throwing streamers and singing bad songs. It looked like fun, though. Still, I have yet to go to a party that DIDN'T end in disaster, so I decided to usher my short companion and her puffball back out the door.

"C'mon, Sue, you didn't REALLY want to go to a party, did you?" Stupid question.

"That's a stupid question! Of course I did! Besides, we're SUPPOSED to be looking for people!" Sue stated.

I shrunk back, "Well, maybe there are other people in the other rooms. We said we're going exploring, so we should explore first and ask questions, later."

Sue sighed, "Geez, Justin, are you SURE?"

I nodded, "Yup! Don't worry, Sue, what could go wrong?"

"PUU!"

"Well, yeah, that's true," I agreed.

"PU pu pu Puu!"

"And THAT!" I surrendered, realizing that it could go wrong because of that, as well.

"...Pu PUFF! Pu pu! PUUU!"

"Yes, yes! All of that COULD go wrong, but who's to say it will?" I argued, agitated.

Sue sighed, disheartened, "I have a BAD feeling about this."

So we went on to the *next* door. 

I turned the old brass doorknob and glanced in. And blinked. And stared. The door opened wider, and Sue looked in as well, then gasped. 

On the other side of the doorway, there was a countless field of stars in a deep black space, stretching on for eternity. Sometimes the stars were clustered, others they were spaced quite far apart...And they were countless...

"Well...um...wrong door."

"Yup."

"Let's...uh...go." 

"Ok."

We came now to the second to the last door. I opened it slightly and grit my teeth before looking in. 

I winced, and Sue did too. Seated at a small dining table in three elegant chairs were a trio of people I'd never expected to see...Or that I'd _ever_ really *wanted* to see...Saki, Nana, and Mio...

Mio smiled lightly over a china cup of hot tea, while Saki leaned on her fist, her elbow on the table, and stared into nothing like some schoolgirl with a crush or something, and Nana scribbled furiously at...something.

"Ok, Sue, another wrong door." I whispered.

She nodded and we softly closed the door.

We stood before the final door warily, eyeing it like prey does the predator. 

"So...." I started.

"The last door..." Sue sighed. 

"Yeah..." I sighed also. "So should we just skip it...?

"That's a good idea...but it' wouldn't be very adventurer like, would it?" she said grinning evilly at me, "We hadn't lived this long by being smart, now have we?"

"Puupuupupu," Puffy chimed in.

"We have NOT gotten this far solely on blind luck!!" I grit out angrily, and just for spite I ripped open the door and (even though it was pitch black, I could have fallen to my doom) stepped in only to find myself in....

...the antechamber. 

Liete: 

"A Library! How wonderful!", I proclaimed, stepping into the prodigious, musty room. "I read about these "libraries" in a book once," I continued to absolutely no one. I debated on informing no one about how Alent could answer all of your questions, but decided against it. Without bothering to look thoroughly, I stepped/floated up to a bookshelf. 

After all, what possible danger could a room full of books hold?

I was flipping through an… interesting… book about a misguided man who hunts his family down in a lavish hotel (all the while brandishing a…croquet mallet?) when I felt someone observing me. It's a strange felling, this being observed. I haven't been about any large amount of people in my life; hence this 'observed' feeling tends to "Creep me out", as young Justin would say. 

Wanting to know just who was "Creeping me out", I set the book aside and gave the dim chamber a "once over".

Above the floor I stood upon, hung a second floor (only accessible by climbing a dangerously steep, rickety ladder). More of a catwalk actually. The room was circular. The catwalk left a large hole in the middle where one might look up and possibly see a mural. (I didn't care to look at the moment due to the 'creeped out' feeling I was still receiving)

Shelving units holding leather bound books lined the walls of both stories. Old paper and cowhide permeated the air. Mixed with dust and a few more unidentifiable odors; needless to say it would never inspire anyone to bottle it and sell it as an expensive perfume. 

"Perfume, I believe I read about that in a book once…", I trailed off.

In the middle of the library stood a statue of such a ridiculous height, the top of it extended through the opening the catwalk left. Made of tarnished bronze; the sculpture depicted dozens of chubby nude cherubs flying around a hideously disfigured, shrouded man. He seemed to hover over everything in the chamber, casting a dark aura over the room. Watching. 

Stepping closer, I could almost hear whispering as if children were talking lowly to each other. 

I cast my eyes to the floor for a moment and shivered. I don't recall reading about this in the Alent Library…

Looking back up at statue, I noticed something very disturbing. 

All of the cherubs and the shrouded man had changed positions. The cherubs seemed to be reaching for me. The man hover directly over me, fixing me with his cold unwavering stare. 

"How…lovely." I cleared my throat and addressed the figure, "Dear, sirs. Could you kindly not stare? It is quite unnerving."

The children whispers turned to quiet but hasty apologies and the next I looked the statue had not only gone back to normal but had turned all the way around, their backs facing me. The shrouded man's aura was one of embarrassment. 

I smiled, satisfied and returned to the shelves. 

I reached for the book I had been flipping through but it literally flew out of my hands and, as if on cue, the shelved volumes followed suite, throwing themselves off the wall and taking flight as if they'd grown wings. Paper and leather swirled about me in whirlwind of dust. 

I watched nonchalantly, calmly plucked a book from the air and read the cover.

"Where the sidewalk ends." I read aloud. "I read about sidewalks in ahhhHHH!!" 

The floor beneath me feet split open without warning and I plummeted in to darkness. 

Rapp:

Great, lovely, here I was. In a dark dreary house in the middle of a desert with a ganki boy, an annoying little girl, a ditzy mystic and an angry, sopping wet, Icarian on PMS. I could really go for a cup of "coffee" right about now, I thought, using the American dub translation for what I REALLY thought. 

I was walking down the long hall I was assigned when I came across a sign.

I stopped. What the Hell…? The Seagull Restaurant? 

I opened the door and walked in. Lol'n behold, it WAS the Seagull Restaurant...filled with Raps and Beastmen (You know, the weird looking ones with cow heads from Milda's village?) I shrugged, not thinking twice about it for some reason. A restaurant in a deserted mansion in the middle of a giant sand trap full of Raps and Beastmen. 

What could be more normal?

I walked right up to the bar and leaned against it suavely, "Gimme a stiff 'cup of Coffee'", I said to the Cow faced guy behind the counter. 

He blinked at me for a moment, "Sorry, sir, we do not serve 'coffee' here. This a clean establishment." 

"Dammit." I beat the bar with my fist, "I could really use that drink, too."

The bartender poured me a glass of water instead and pushed it in my hands, "Having some sort of trouble, Sir?"

"Well, now that you ask," I twirled the glass around in my hands, "You see there's this dame I've been traveling around with for a while now..."

"Ah! Women troubles! So you like this 'dame'?"

"Yeah, but she has a man already. But they've only saved the world together, and proclaimed they're forever-undying love for each other. That don't mean they're serious, right?" 

He didn't answer. After a moment I looked up and blanched. The Beastman had an ax in the side of his head. Blood dripping down the side of his face, pooling in his clothing. I leapt back from the counter and looked franticly around the room to see if anyone else noticed. 

What the Goddess's name?

The walls and furniture were coated with cobwebs and dust. Why hadn't I noticed that before? All of the Beastmen and Raps sitting as they were, except they were very very dead. 

And looking in my direction.

"Creeeepyyyy!" I muttered and bravely ran out of the restaurant. 

I ran/stumbled/fell/crawled into the hallway and slammed the door. Leaning against it, I heaved a sigh and banged my head back on the hard wood. "I should have gone with Feena or Liete maybe. People aren't spontaneously dead around them..."

After I regained my composure, then continued down the hall. After a while,(I got sick of looking at the lime carpeting and the green wall paper, what wacko designed this place?) I was thinking how fun it would be to ride around this place on a bike of some sort, when I rounded a corner. 

It was a dead end, but that's not what caught my attention. Two little cow-headed boys were standing at the end of the hall. They were both looking directly at me with glazed eyes. My Weird'O-Meter planted itself firmly in the red. 

Suddenly, the two spoke in perfect deadpan unison, "Come play with us, Rapp..." 

I jumped back in fright, made a manly yelp, and looked back down the dead end. The kids were gone. 

"Red Rum..." I muttered huskily to myself, "That's, what I need...Some Red Rum...A nice BIG glass of it.

A noise came from the room next to me and that was it. I didn't even look at what room number it was (#23something...). I hauled ass back down the hall flew by the restaurant and back to the antechamber, nearly tripping over that sorry excuse for a marshmallow that was Sue's annoying, 'pu'-ing pet.

Feena: 

I poked my head into a large room near the end of the wing I was assigned. All of the other doors had been locked sans this one. Strange enough, the keys had been in the lock. 

"Some one must have left in a hurry…", I thought to myself. Looking about cautiously, I stepped into the room, my boots sinking nearly 2 inches into the thick, dark green, carpet. I rolled my eyes, carpet this thick was like walking in a bog: You have to step high to keep from tripping yourself or getting stuck… 

It was rather difficult to see. The room was shrouded with shadows. The only illumination was from the lightning that would flash about the sky outside the wall length, dusty, windows. The storm would send flashes at regular intervals but it still wasn't enough to see by. 

I held out my hand, irritably and muttered the incantation for a burn spell. A small fireball formed in my hand. Instead of throwing it, I willed it to stay and held it up as a torch. The fire cast dark shadows allover the room. However, I could DEFINATELY see more then before. 

A large canopy bed hung with dark curtains sat against the far wall. A dresser, a wardrobe, a desk stacked with dusty papers all scattered around the room almost randomly. Overall: nothing of real interest. 

I huffed, annoyed. "I might as well look around," I muttered, "Maybe I'll find something useful." 

I checked the desk first.

There, sitting on the hard wood top was an old box, filled to the brim with thin sheets of paper. I blew off a thin coat of dust and held the fireball closer. There was writing on it! I scanned over the page, but I didn't recognize the language. I did notice a pattern. It was the same line over and over and over again. I flipped threw a couple more sheet. They all yielded the same results. That was interesting, but it didn't tell me anything more then the person who stayed here was probably off his rocker.

What?

I spun around quickly and flared the light brighter, casting dancing shadows on the walls. What was that? I had this strange sense that something in the room was moving. Other than me of course. 

I scanned the room closely. Nothing appeared out of place except… 

Kicking myself in the ass for over looking it, I creeped up to an old dollhouse. There was nothing very unusual about it. It was simply an old, dusty, foldout dollhouse. But…

I decided to take a closer look. Holding the flame closer to the large wooded toy (but not to close. This was the only shelter for miles round. That last thing I wanted to do was burn it down and get caught in the rain AGAIN!) I examined it.

It turned out to be an exact modal of the mansion. 

All the way down to the creepy gargoyles on the doorsteps and in remarkably good condition. 

I tapped one of the said ghoulish creatures (whom I've so humbly named "Ick" and "What the f**k?"). The wood around the base must have been rotting away, because the tiny figurine broke off and hit the table. All most immediately there was a thundering grinding crash from out side. 

I ran to the window, pushed the thick, dusty, curtains out of the way and blanched. The wall I was at looked out to the front of the house. I had a good view of the front steps and proud standing gargoyles. Or rather proud, standing, gargoyle. Its twin (Ick) had fallen over off its base and into the mud.

Freaky…

I stared for a moment, looked at the Dollhouse and back at the life-sized winged beast and back again. 

How is that possible?! It was exactly the same statue that fell on the model-sized house! Was it some sort of coincidence? Then again, one thing you learn as an adventurer is that there is no such thing as a coincidence… 

Then what's the connection? 

My intuition told me it had something to do with the miniature building. (Duh, as if I couldn't have figured that out on my own. My intuition can be like boyfriends sometimes, mine specifically: Short sighted and quick to point out the obvious.) 

I sighed and stomped back over the toy, but pausing for a moment in front of a mirror along the way. I was such a mess! I was still pretty wet, my hair plastered to my forehead, the drying sand on my skin made me itch and very uncomfortable. The sight turned my mood sour again and I glowered at my refection. That's it. I'll take one last look at the damned thing and then look for something that'll satisfy Justin's curiosity so we can get some sleep and get the hell out of here!

But first the dollhouse…okay… There wasn't much to it. It was model of the mansion, complete with windows and… hinges? The left side of the familiar structure had two sets of hinges attached. So you could open it, stupid, my intuition told me, it is a toy after all.

Feeling dumb, I found the crack down the middle of the tiny mansion and pulled. 

No sooner then I had done this, something big and heavy landed on my back. 

I fell flat on face and sank into the unnecessarily, dusty carpet nearly a foot, in a very dignified manor. What ever it was pressing me into the rug shifted on my back just enough for me to flip it off and leap to my feet. I gasped for breath, the floor had tried to suffocate me. 

Now, I wasn't in the best mood to begin with. Oh, yes, the clouds had DEFINATELY rolled in on my sunny disposition. Getting caught in a freak thunderstorm in the middle of a desert, miles from the nearest inn will do that to a girl. Being in a scary, abandoned freak house, sopping wet, tired and without a change of clothes doesn't help either. But then someone goes and drops out of the ceiling and shoves half a pound of fabric down my throat…

I snapped.

"OH! FLAME! BURN'EM!!!!" I screamed and hurled a blazing fire ball at… Liete?

Shit! 

Luckily, the Priestess had a moment of brilliance and dropped to the floor. 

Consequently, the ball smacked right into the dollhouse.

Sue: 

"Justin?" I asked a stunned, "Weren't we just upstairs?"

'Umm, Yes, we were." Justin half smiled a little nervously, "We must have found the short cut…" 

"Yeah…sure." I halfheartedly agreed turning to look through the door from which we came. 

Right out into the dark, rainy night. 

Justin and I stared and then glanced at each other.

"That's weird," I breathed.

"Ooooh, yeah," Justin agree.

"Puuu…" Puffy put in. He floated down to the ground to take a breather just in time for Rapp to come screaming (loudly I might add) out of a nearby hall and nearly topple over him.

Rapp fell to the floor in a painful looking heap.

"PUFFY!" I cried in horror, I knelt down next to my little shaking friend, "Are you okay?!" He was fine. I smiled happily and set him back on my head. 

Justin was helping Rapp off the floor. The long-eared boy glared at me, "Thanks. No no no. Don't help." He brushed off Justin, "I'm fine." He rubbed his face with a wince, "Just a broken nose. Nothing much."

I rolled my eyes. 

"What happened?" Justin asked a little excitedly.

It was Rapp's turn to roll his eyes. "I tripped on the damn marshmallow! Didn't you see!?"

"No! I mean in the corridor! Something had to have happened for you to come running out of there like a…"

"I was NOT running!"

"Sure, Rapp. Whatever you say."

I laughed cutely and Justin smirked. 

Rapp was blushing madly and about to go into a macho and egotistical account of his misadventure when IT happened.

I really couldn't tell you exactly what IT was. There was a wild cry down the west hall and suddenly a blazing inferno came hurdling through the front doors at terrifying speeds. 

Rapp grabbed Justin and I both by the collars and shoved us to the tiles. (I hate to admit it but we had the "Oh look" expression)

It flew right over our heads, barely grazing our backs. Surprisingly enough, I felt no heat whatsoever. 

Once it had passed, we glanced over our shoulders just in time to see it collide with the back wall. Windows shattered. An explosion ensued and flames spurted everywhere, eating everything in its path at a furious pace. Before we could follow it completely, it had already shot up the stairs and down the east hall. The flames were BIG! Reaching the ceiling easily. And still growing.

It still wasn't hot, but we weren't about to stick around and test to see if it would burn. 

Rapp was the first one out the door…

… Justin and I were stepping on his heels. 

We ran and we didn't stop running until we made it to the fallen 'Vacancy' sign, on which Justin promptly tripped.

Feena and Liete joined us a moment later. The Icarian and the Priestess looked a little frazzled and crisp around the edges. 

We all doubled over, gasping for breath, then glanced in the direction of the Mansion. 

It was completely and TOTALLY untouched.

Oh…boy..

Justin shot up and held his hand in the air, "All those in favor of running like hell and simply pitching a tent for the night say 'Aye'."

We all chimed "AYE" and made a hasty, if not well organized, retreat back out into the dripping, desert night.

THE END?

"I read about the end in a book once, you see one day a brilliant man came up with something called a 'conclusion' or end as you might put it… Well you see…"

"LIETE!!! Did you not know that you are to SHUT UP when you reach the 'conclusion!'"

"Did I not know? Oh my, we'll have to travel east to Alent to solve this problem!!!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

::cast screams::


End file.
